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May. 19th, 2008

Today I've come back home from the Hospital. Another admission. Others clinical tests. New therapy. New sickening meds. My heart is getting worse more and more. At least that's what doctors told me.
I'm very very tired. I'm tired of gulping down useless medicines. I'm tired of physicians who turn their cursory glances to me and spit out unpronounceable therapies like they were carrying out an experiment on me.
I'm tired of counting my heartbeats and thinking that my damned heart could stop at any moment.
I'm tired of always feeling weak and exhausted.
I'm so tired of being tired.
Maybe it would be better that all the matter ends up.
Sometimes I wish my heart stops dead.
Silence.
Peace.
rest.

Comments

( 11 comments — Leave a comment )
slashfairy
May. 19th, 2008 09:30 pm (UTC)
i'm a new friend to you, so, only will leave hugs and love.

but i'm also [in my other life] a nurse, and a medical-intuitive [not a healer]- so fi there's anything i can do, or you want to talk about.. or not talk about, you can.

or, i will hold you in my heart and send you rest.
anthos65
May. 19th, 2008 09:50 pm (UTC)
Thank you honey. Thank you.
slashfairy
May. 19th, 2008 09:52 pm (UTC)
you can email me at anajana1 at mac dot com. i do hope you don't mind. i'm reading back through your journal.

may i extend my care for you backwards in time? would that be alright?
shegollum
May. 19th, 2008 11:15 pm (UTC)
love you. how does that beautiful soul even fit inside one person?
slashfairy
May. 19th, 2008 11:17 pm (UTC)
me? i'm just ordinary.
shegollum
May. 21st, 2008 09:34 am (UTC)
but when you're ordinary, it's pretty darn extraordinary. *g*
splix
May. 19th, 2008 09:57 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. I send many good thoughts and much love. *hug*
shegollum
May. 19th, 2008 11:15 pm (UTC)
I want to hug you so much. I understand that kind of tiredness, sweets, and when I think of how far you've come and what you've carried, i can think of no one who deserves a rest more. can you lean on me for a bit? i'm pretty tough and i can carry a lot so hand it over and you just rest and heal. i'll watch over you.


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caras_galadhon
May. 20th, 2008 05:03 am (UTC)
*hugs tight* Oh, I'm so sorry. Sometimes the cure is worse than the cause, you know? I do hope you'll take some time to relax and recover, because going to the hospital is always such a stressful thing, and it can't be helping.
mooms
May. 20th, 2008 05:21 pm (UTC)
Oh, I am so sorry. *hugs* Thinking of you !
moanahine
May. 20th, 2008 09:42 pm (UTC)
If this was a fairytale, I would magically give you my heart. You deserve all of life's bounty.
*holds and sends well wishes*
( 11 comments — Leave a comment )

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